Three years ago, the simming and online role playing community melted down over Starbase 400,000‘s new paint job. Now, leaders, hosts, and players alike are arguing over this audio file of unknown and mysterious origins.
Is it “Mike Bremer” or “Chas Hammer”?
“Mike Bremer, no doubt,” said role player Cooper Driver just after slamming his Starbucks Venti triple-shot non-fat caramel macchiato to the table. “Anyone who says otherwise is obviously wrong.”
Another simmer, Richard, hears it differently. “It’s Chas Hammer. Only a moron would think it’s anything else.”
Still others hear something else entirely. “It says ‘Charles Starr,'” said Charles Starr.
Captain Brian Bumsworth of the USS Magnanimous announced his resignation earlier this morning due to a disagreement with his crew over the recording. “When I was playing as Ensign Keister, Lieutenant Stern-Glutes, and Commander Asada, I heard ‘Chas Hammer,’ but later when I wrote a post as Captain Bumsworth, I heard ‘Mike Bremer.'” Bumsworth not only plays the Captain, but all of the other characters on the ship as well.
Star Trek sim club Obsidian Fleet was so divided over the audio clip that leadership announced an immediate fleet split yesterday. “There’s simply no way we can reconcile this difference,” said Executive Council member Admiral Myrkul Sharr. “We’ll have to go our separate ways.”
The two subject individuals had unique responses.
“I’ve got nothing to do with it! Talk to my lawyer!” said Mike K. Bremer while running from reporters.
“I can’t determine what it says,” continued Chas Hammer, “we’ll probably need to form a committee and discuss it for several months at least.”
Dr. Edward Drumitzuwitz, an audiologist from the University of Glasgow, attempted to get to the bottom of the mystery. “I analyzed the recording at every wavelength imaginable and found something very interesting… The file is actually blank. It doesn’t say anything at all.”