WASHINGTON–President Donald Trump ordered his acting Attorney General on Saturday via tweet to open an anti-trust lawsuit against Anodyne Productions for holding a monopoly of the Star Trek online role playing and simming market. An estimated 87% of Star Trek RPGs run Anodyne Productions’ Nova software, despite the President’s claim of 97%.
@realDonaldTrump
AG, we need to make simming GREAT again by breaking up Anodyne Productions once and for all! They control 97% of all Star Trek games. SAD!!! We need more from YahooGroups! and old fashioned E-mail! NOW!!!
“This is really shocking,” said Anodyne Productions CEO/CFO/COO/CIO/CMO/Ombudsman/Programmer David Mark William after reading the tweet. “Since I do everything here myself, I’m not sure how I could break myself up. Myself doesn’t know what to do!”
Long-time role player Cooper Driver praised the decision. “This is great because I hate big corporations like Anodyne Productions… but I hate Donald Trump even more… I don’t know what I think.”
Veteran simmer Richard took a different view. “Way to go for Trump for taking on the establishment! Yeah! Wait, you mean this might affect my website? This is [EDITED]!”
President Trump later provided more information to reporters. “You’re not from Fake News, are you?” he asked. “You’re not? Okay, good. Well first of all, online role playing and simming is a fantastic thing, really fantastic. I’ve always been a big fan, especially when it comes to Star Trek, believe me. I’d say with Star Wars too. And the Jetsons also when you get down to it. But not so much the Flintstones, not so much the Flintstones.”
The President continued, “I think we’re going to have a big impact, a huge impact by giving consumers more options, you know, more options like eGroups and SMS like we used to have, really tremendous options, tremendous options. I’m going to give the American people tremendous options in regard to simming and online role playing. It’s going to be great, really great, believe me.”
While many in the community are unsure how the situation will unfold, a member of Starbase 400,000, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that Mike K. Bremer sees it as an opportunity to gain market share with his soon to be released Starbase 400,000 Role Play Management System. SB400KRPMS is rumored to automatically redirect all join applications back to Starbase 400,000.
A spokesman for the Justice Department declined to comment for this article.
This one could be real!