THE INTERNET–Enforcer T-5,000, a moderator at role playing message board Fantasy Fans Freedom, deleted a post yesterday that answered three of the universe’s biggest mysteries because it was off topic. The post in question, made by ElfHobbitOrcToad, was a reply to one of Dwarf46’s earlier posts, which was also deleted by Enforcer T-5,000 for being off-topic. Unfortunately, there are currently no known copies of either post.
According to multiple people who briefly saw the exchange, it provided definitive answers to these three questions:
- What is the meaning of life?
- What is dark matter and dark energy?
- Why does Nickelback suck so much?
“I’m flabbergasted, disgusted, and befuddled by Enforcer T-5,000’s actions,” said an anonymous moderator from rival website RP Repository. “In fact, I think I might even be dumbfounded, but I’m not totally sure what that dumbfounded means… or what flabbergasted or befuddled mean either… but I certainly am disgusted… I think. Wait, what happened again?”
Master Supreme Fleet Admiral Thomas “Tommy” McDuffy of 5th Fleet took the opposite view. “I don’t care if it would have been the greatest breakthrough in the history of mankind or the Milky Way Galaxy: the rules are the rules.” McDuffy’s counterpart, Super Ultimate Fleet General Jonathan “Jonny” Grey, nodded in agreement.
Numerous philosophers, astrophysicists, and Nickelback haters have been attempting to jog ElfHobbitOrcToad’s memory, but without success. “I simply can’t remember it without Dwarf46’s post. It all came to me like a flash when I read his words. I’m sorry!”
Unfortunately, Dwarf46 also doesn’t recall what his post was about. “Dude, I’m just here to role play,” he said.
Fantasy Fans Freedom stands by Enforcer T-5,000’s decision to delete both off-topic posts in accordance rules 29A-53B-031Q6 and 71C-14D-932W2, respectively. According to an official press release:
Fantasy Fans Freedom continues to provide a fun, secure, and safe environment for fantasy simming and online role playing. We will never let anything get in the way of that. We literally mean anything.