SILICON VALLEY–The Simming Prize Board of Trustees yesterday accepted Charles Starr’s bid to buy the prize and go private, a deal that would give the simming world’s richest person control over the community’s oldest award. The deal has polarized the simming community, despite no one caring one bit about the prize eleven months ago. Starr’s entire package, valued at $42 Trillion, includes 245 sims, several Applebee’s gift cards, and an unopened model of the Enterprise-B.
The deal marks a stunning reversal after the Board of Trustees initially rebuffed Starr’s offer last week by adopting a so-called “Poison Pill” in awarding Starbase 400,000 its record 28th Simming Prize. Former Simming Prize Chairman Chas Hammer criticized the board’s stance saying that they “have consistently been the dysfunction of the company.” However, the trustees softened their posture after Starr released his financing plan.
“This deal was right for our shareholders,” current Chairman Mike K. Bremer told reporters while holding a bag containing hull white model paint. “It has nothing to do with Starbase 400,000‘s new roster of ships,” he added, wiping signature BBQ sauce from his lips.
Mr. Starr’s plans for the Simming Prize include creating an edit feature for trophies, making the prize’s award algorithm open source, and unblocking former Bravo Fleet President Telos Raymar’s account. Starr, who is also the CEO of Independence Fleet, ICUP, and the only remaining Blockbuster Video, dismissed criticism that he would be unable to manage all four companies at the same time: “I just pay people. It’s not like I do anything anyway.“
For the purchase to go through, it still must be approved by the simming public, who contrary to their many claims, absolutely love drama like this.
Update 8 minutes after publishing: Charles Starr reneges on the agreement.
Update 13 minutes after publishing: Mike K. Bremer sues Starr to follow through on the deal.
Update 17 minutes after publishing: Civil trial set to begin in 2043.
Update 24 minutes after publishing: The deal is back on.
Update 32 minutes after publishing: The deal is back off.
Update 46 minutes after publishing: The deal is back on. Or off again?
Update 54 minutes after publishing: 87% of the simming community have already shared their opinion on the matter.