SILICON VALLEY–The Simming Prize Board of Trustees yesterday accepted Charles Starr’s bid to buy the prize and go private, a deal that would give the simming world’s richest person control over the community’s oldest award. The deal has polarized the simming community, despite no one caring one bit about the prize eleven months ago.
Category: Starbase 400,000
22nd Fleet Liquidated by Creditors
RISA–Intergalactic roleplaying conglomerate 22nd Fleet officially shuttered earlier this year as its last remaining assets were sold by creditors. The company had been plagued by internal squabbles, poor customer reviews, and low cash flow since former CEO Zachary O’Connell abruptly resigned last year and pledged his loyalty to Bravo Fleet Chairman & Premier Telos Raymar. O’Connell has not been seen or heard from since.
Simming Prize Host John Nugra Entertains Some, Offends Others During Opening Monologue
HOLLYWOOD–Five-time host of the Simming Prizes John Nugra delivered a blistering opening monologue last night to the role play elite during the annual awards show & banquet. Sparing no one, he roasted simmers, leaders, NPCs, and the like.
Star Trek Groups Celebrate the New Year, but Disagree on What Year It Is
TIMES SQUARE–“Happy New Year!” shouted role players in New York and across the universe this morning as multiple simming & role play groups celebrated the turning of the calendar, although they couldn’t agree on what year it is.
Admirals Zachary O’Connell & Michael Aravan Finally Split from Bravo Fleet and Accidentally Found 22nd Fleet Together; Anatole Lazarus Returns to Bravo Fleet
22ND FLEET–After infamously failing to split from Bravo Fleet in 2018, Admirals Zachary O’Connell & Michael Aravan finally left the group last month and inadvertently co-founded 22nd Fleet together.
Bremer Praises End of Mueller Probe, Decision Not to Indict
STARBASE 400,000–Fleet Admiral Mike K. Bremer lauded the completion of the Mueller probe last month and special prosecutor Robert Mueller’s decision not to indict him. Bremer had been under suspicion for some time that he conspired with both Russia and the Klingon Empire to elect President Donald Trump.
Chas Hammer’s True Identity Revealed
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
Exclusive: Mike K. Bremer Replaced by Look-Alike After Passing Away in 2003
History is full of famous switch-a-roos: Paul McCartney, The Ultimate Warrior, and Miley Cyrus, to name a few. Heck, we’re on the 47th version of Cher. After an Outpost 42 News exclusive investigation, we are able to add one more to the list: Mike K. Bremer.
Bravo Fleet President Survives Assassination Attempt at Khitomer
CAMP KHITOMER–Bravo Fleet President Jerry McDonalds survived an attempt on his life today at the Camp Khitomer Peace Accords meeting of Bravo Fleet, Obsurdian Fleet, and Mythical Winged Horse Fleet.
Mike K. Bremer: Hottest Avatar of 2018
SIMMINGLAND-Mike K. Bremer was the most popular Star Trek online role playing avatar in 2018, according to a report from Sci-Fi Avatars. A whopping 56% of new characters and 48% of characters who transitioned to a new image picked Bremer in 2018. Bremer bumped Donald Trump, the top choice from 2015 to 2017, to #2.
Trump Directs Attorney General to Open Anti-Trust Lawsuit Against Anodyne Productions
WASHINGTON–President Donald Trump ordered his acting Attorney General on Saturday via tweet to open an anti-trust lawsuit against Anodyne Productions for holding a monopoly of the Star Trek online role playing and simming market. An estimated 87% of Star Trek RPGs run Anodyne Productions’ Nova software.
Obsurdian Fleet and Admiral Andreas François Pierre fondu Lac Launch Co-Branded Christmas Fondue Set
AMAZON.COM–Obsurdian Fleet Executive Council member Admiral Andreas François Pierre fondu Lac announced yesterday the launch of the fleet’s official line of Star Trek-branded Christmas fondue sets.
Mike Bremer or Chas Hammer: The Online Role Play Community Divided Over Audio Clip
Three years ago, the simming and online role playing community melted down over Starbase 400,000’s new paint job. Now, leaders, hosts, and players alike are arguing over this audio file of unknown and mysterious origins. Is it “Mike Bremer” or “Chas Hammer”?
Starbase 400,000 Wins a Record 14th Simming Prize in a Row
STOCKHOLM–Starbase 400,000 was awarded a record 14th consecutive Prize for Simming and Online Role Playing in Memory of Seth Cotis on Tuesday. No other person, place, or thing has won more than two prizes.
Bravo Fleet JAG Finds Defendant Not Guilty
BRAVO FLEET COMMAND HQ–Captain Duke Hogg was found not guilty by Bravo Fleet JAG on Monday of treason, conspiracy, sedition, mutiny, and being a general asshole. Of the 8,694 cases brought before the JAG prior to Hogg’s, all 8,694 resulted in convictions on all counts.