CAMP KHITOMER–Bravo Fleet President Jerry McDonalds survived an attempt on his life today at the Camp Khitomer Peace Accords meeting of Bravo Fleet, Obsurdian Fleet, and Mythical Winged Horse Fleet. At the President’s final address to the assembly, a double, and possibly even triple, agent fired a single phaser blast at the President’s head. Bravo Fleet’s Mike K. Bremer tackled the President at the last moment, causing the shot to miss by mere centimeters (or inches).
However, some witnesses reported that the tackle occurred right after the shot had already passed between the President’s arm and torso. It’s not clear from the footage, even when slowed down frame by frame. Regardless, Bremer then proceeded to give a short speech, which ended with a slow clap and great, but cheesy music.
“It’s about the future, Madame Chancellor,” Bremer continued to no one in particular, “Some people think the future means the end of simming. Well, we haven’t run out of simming quite yet… you can still join Starbase 400,000, where we have multiple open positions.”
Alleged would-be-assassin Colonel Trojan Five fell through a second story window after being phased by heads-up rookie role player Ensign Peter Stardust. Five survived the fall and was immediately arrested by security officials. He is set to appear before Bravo Fleet JAG tomorrow morning for his initial hearing.
The evidence against Five is strong according to multiple legal analysts. Not only were several members of the audience live streaming with their communicators when the assassination attempt occurred, but Five can also be seen with the attempted murder weapon in the background of a selfie taken by Obsurdian Fleet’s Andreas François Pierre fondu Lac just minutes before President McDonalds began his speech.
“Do you think we should ban Trojan Five from our fleet for this?” asked Alexa Quinn of Mythical Winged Horse Fleet. “Either way, we’ll go along with whatever Bravo Fleet does.”