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SILICON VALLEY–The Simming Prize Board of Trustees yesterday accepted Charles Starr’s bid to buy the prize and go private, a deal that would give the simming world’s richest person control over the community’s oldest award. The deal has polarized the simming community, despite no one caring one bit about the prize eleven months ago.
RISA–Intergalactic roleplaying conglomerate 22nd Fleet officially shuttered earlier this year as its last remaining assets were sold by creditors. The company had been plagued by internal squabbles, poor customer reviews, and low cash flow since former CEO Zachary O’Connell abruptly resigned last year and pledged his loyalty to Bravo Fleet Chairman & Premier Telos Raymar. O’Connell has not been seen or heard from since.
BROOKLYN–The long anticipated civil trial of Driver v. The Toasted Avocado kicked off today with Cooper Driver making his own opening statement after his attorney, Michael Vendetta, failed to post his own bail.
HOLLYWOOD–Five-time host of the Simming Prizes John Nugra delivered a blistering opening monologue last night to the role play elite during the annual awards show & banquet. Sparing no one, he roasted simmers, leaders, NPCs, and the like.
TIMES SQUARE–“Happy New Year!” shouted role players in New York and across the universe this morning as multiple simming & role play groups celebrated the turning of the calendar, although they couldn’t agree on what year it is.
BRAVO FLEET–Bravo Fleet Command on Monday refused Colonel Muammar Kevah Arzy’s request for asylum for him and his Revolutionary Guard. Arzy and the Revolutionary Guard have been on the run since Arzy was ousted from power in USF last month.
ONGOING WORLDS–Charles Starr resigned as pitchman of Capital Market Sim Partners, LLC’s patented fleet flipping program earlier this month, only to take a job as a late-night game show host on the Ongoing Worlds channel.
NEW YORK–RPG Writing: The Musical, the latest play from famed composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, opened last Thursday on Broadway to mixed reviews from both audiences and critics. It tells the tale of a group of fan fiction writers establishing new roots after being banished from their homeland.
22ND FLEET–After infamously failing to split from Bravo Fleet in 2018, Admirals Zachary O’Connell & Michael Aravan finally left the group last month and inadvertently co-founded 22nd Fleet together.
STARBASE 400,000–Fleet Admiral Mike K. Bremer lauded the completion of the Mueller probe last month and special prosecutor Robert Mueller’s decision not to indict him. Bremer had been under suspicion for some time that he conspired with both Russia and the Klingon Empire to elect President Donald Trump.
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
THETA FLEET–Lieutenant Vetaath Zh’challiss, the Chief Engineer of the USS Valiant, last night remembered an effective method to combat a Tribble overpopulation. Numerous role plays and administrative facilities at Theta Fleet had been overrun with the fast-breeding Tribbles since December, when Élan Val smuggled a single Tribble onboard the USS Hyperion because she thought it was cute.
History is full of famous switch-a-roos: Paul McCartney, The Ultimate Warrior, and Miley Cyrus, to name a few. Heck, we’re on the 47th version of Cher. After an Outpost 42 News exclusive investigation, we are able to add one more to the list: Mike K. Bremer.
CAMP KHITOMER–Bravo Fleet President Jerry McDonalds survived an attempt on his life today at the Camp Khitomer Peace Accords meeting of Bravo Fleet, Obsurdian Fleet, and Mythical Winged Horse Fleet.
SIMMINGLAND-Mike K. Bremer was the most popular Star Trek online role playing avatar in 2018, according to a report from Sci-Fi Avatars. A whopping 56% of new characters and 48% of characters who transitioned to a new image picked Bremer in 2018. Bremer bumped Donald Trump, the top choice from 2015 to 2017, to #2.
AMAZON.COM–Obsurdian Fleet Executive Council member Admiral Andreas François Pierre fondu Lac announced yesterday the launch of the fleet’s official line of Star Trek-branded Christmas fondue sets.
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
BRAVO FLEET HQ–Bravo Fleet Executive Council member Admiral Zachary O’Connell and Bravo Fleet Task Force 99 & USS Triumphant commander Rear Admiral Michael Aravan ended a heated six-hour expletive-filled argument Monday night without splitting the fleet.
BRAVO FLEET COMMAND HQ–Captain Duke Hogg was found not guilty by Bravo Fleet JAG on Monday of treason, conspiracy, sedition, mutiny, and being a general asshole. Of the 8,694 cases brought before the JAG prior to Hogg’s, all 8,694 resulted in convictions on all counts.
