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VULCAN–After mysteriously disappearing in 2021, Zachary O’Connell has been found on Vulcan undergoing the Kolinahr ritual. Now calling himself “Greenfelt”, the former businessman asked for privacy as he attempts to purge all remaining emotion to achieve pure and total logic.
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
SILICON VALLEY–The Simming Prize Board of Trustees yesterday accepted Charles Starr’s bid to buy the prize and go private, a deal that would give the simming world’s richest person control over the community’s oldest award. The deal has polarized the simming community, despite no one caring one bit about the prize eleven months ago.
RISA–Intergalactic roleplaying conglomerate 22nd Fleet officially shuttered earlier this year as its last remaining assets were sold by creditors. The company had been plagued by internal squabbles, poor customer reviews, and low cash flow since former CEO Zachary O’Connell abruptly resigned last year and pledged his loyalty to Bravo Fleet Chairman & Premier Telos Raymar. O’Connell has not been seen or heard from since.
RPG RECRUITMENT CENTER–Agreeing with each other for the first time ever, rival role players Richard and Cooper Driver both quit RPG Recruitment yesterday after they discovered its actual mission is not to help them find new role play games, but to funnel members into the controversial Church of Simmingtology.
RISA–James East took control of Independence Fleet last month after the club’s leader, BJ Wheeler, left his keys in the ignition of the group’s flagship while vacationing on Risa. East found the unattended ship in orbit and immediately flew it back to fleet headquarters, where he assumed fleet command just as Wheeler finished his morning piña colada.
BROOKLYN–The long anticipated civil trial of Driver v. The Toasted Avocado kicked off today with Cooper Driver making his own opening statement after his attorney, Michael Vendetta, failed to post his own bail.
DETROIT–Longtime RPG Writing leader Amanda Rose announced yesterday that she is stepping away from from simming and opening a family law practice in an effort to decrease the drama in her life. While the timing was surprising to many, no one disputed her reasoning.
HOLLYWOOD–Five-time host of the Simming Prizes John Nugra delivered a blistering opening monologue last night to the role play elite during the annual awards show & banquet. Sparing no one, he roasted simmers, leaders, NPCs, and the like.
TIMES SQUARE–“Happy New Year!” shouted role players in New York and across the universe this morning as multiple simming & role play groups celebrated the turning of the calendar, although they couldn’t agree on what year it is.
BRAVO FLEET–Bravo Fleet Command on Monday refused Colonel Muammar Kevah Arzy’s request for asylum for him and his Revolutionary Guard. Arzy and the Revolutionary Guard have been on the run since Arzy was ousted from power in USF last month.
SAFE SPACE–Celebrity Attorney Michael Vendetta on Monday called for the immediate boycott of Borderlands, Zodiac Fleet, and the USS Legacy for their “insensitive use of Star Trek culture, in part but not exclusive to their proclivity to borrow stardates, transporters, and pointed ears in their stories.”
STAR ARMY CITY–Shattered Universe held a grand opening yesterday for its new recruiting office on Star Army Boulevard, deep in the heart of Star Army country. The two neighboring powers have endured a tense relationship for years as they’ve competed for role playing recruits for their military services.
ONGOING WORLDS–Charles Starr resigned as pitchman of Capital Market Sim Partners, LLC’s patented fleet flipping program earlier this month, only to take a job as a late-night game show host on the Ongoing Worlds channel.
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
NEW YORK–RPG Writing: The Musical, the latest play from famed composer Andrew Lloyd Webber, opened last Thursday on Broadway to mixed reviews from both audiences and critics. It tells the tale of a group of fan fiction writers establishing new roots after being banished from their homeland.
22ND FLEET–After infamously failing to split from Bravo Fleet in 2018, Admirals Zachary O’Connell & Michael Aravan finally left the group last month and inadvertently co-founded 22nd Fleet together.
ONGOING WORLDS–Global Internet speeds plummeted yesterday and a spacetime anomaly appeared in close proximity to Earth shortly after Simfeld, a sim about simming, was launched on the Ongoing Worlds website.
THE INTERNET–Leaders at both Shadow Fleet & 5th Fleet reversed course yesterday on 2018 orders requiring that all Commanding Officers include bacon in their sims after several months of creative stagnation and declining memberships.
STARBASE 400,000–Fleet Admiral Mike K. Bremer lauded the completion of the Mueller probe last month and special prosecutor Robert Mueller’s decision not to indict him. Bremer had been under suspicion for some time that he conspired with both Russia and the Klingon Empire to elect President Donald Trump.
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
NEW YORK–CBS announced yesterday a new host certification program for all Star Trek Internet role plays, sims, and fan fiction websites. The course is expected to go live sometime this summer and to be required for all hosts leading Star Trek games in 2020 and beyond.
THETA FLEET–Lieutenant Vetaath Zh’challiss, the Chief Engineer of the USS Valiant, last night remembered an effective method to combat a Tribble overpopulation. Numerous role plays and administrative facilities at Theta Fleet had been overrun with the fast-breeding Tribbles since December, when Élan Val smuggled a single Tribble onboard the USS Hyperion because she thought it was cute.
History is full of famous switch-a-roos: Paul McCartney, The Ultimate Warrior, and Miley Cyrus, to name a few. Heck, we’re on the 47th version of Cher. After an Outpost 42 News exclusive investigation, we are able to add one more to the list: Mike K. Bremer.
IMMACULATE FLEET-Fleet Admiral Richard is set to become the highest ranking simmer in online role play history, regardless of genre, when he is promoted to Ultimate Supreme Master Overlord Excellent Admiral General tomorrow.
CAMP KHITOMER–Bravo Fleet President Jerry McDonalds survived an attempt on his life today at the Camp Khitomer Peace Accords meeting of Bravo Fleet, Obsurdian Fleet, and Mythical Winged Horse Fleet.
SIMMINGLAND-Mike K. Bremer was the most popular Star Trek online role playing avatar in 2018, according to a report from Sci-Fi Avatars. A whopping 56% of new characters and 48% of characters who transitioned to a new image picked Bremer in 2018. Bremer bumped Donald Trump, the top choice from 2015 to 2017, to #2.
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
THE INTERNET–Enforcer T-5,000, a moderator at role playing message board Fantasy Fans Freedom, deleted a post yesterday that answered three of the universe’s biggest mysteries because it was off topic.
WASHINGTON–President Donald Trump ordered his acting Attorney General on Saturday via tweet to open an anti-trust lawsuit against Anodyne Productions for holding a monopoly of the Star Trek online role playing and simming market. An estimated 87% of Star Trek RPGs run Anodyne Productions’ Nova software.
AMAZON.COM–Obsurdian Fleet Executive Council member Admiral Andreas François Pierre fondu Lac announced yesterday the launch of the fleet’s official line of Star Trek-branded Christmas fondue sets.
USS MAGNANIMOUS–Captain Brian Bumsworth yesterday indefinitely banned the expression of all opposing political views from his game, the USS Manganimous, effective immediately. This comes after months of Bumsworth arguing with others about politics on the Magnanimous message board, his Facebook page, and at the local Star Trek fan club.
I.C.U.P. HQ–The UCIP Command Council voted late yesterday to change its name to ICUP, effective immediately. Other new names considered, but ultimately rejected, included You Sip, iCUP, and I. Still C.U.P., among others. Originally founded in 1894, ICUP has changed its name 736 times over the course of its 124-year history.
SAN FRANCISCO–Mid-level professional Milton Clumley came out to his co-workers on Thursday afternoon as an online role player. According to Clumley, he agonized for years over the decision to come out, but finally realized last week that he could no longer hide his true identity and passion.
THE INTERNET–For the first time in its eight-year history, Ongoing Worlds is hosting a role play game that continued into a second month of operation. Game #4,692, also known as Fun, Fairies, and Fairy Dust, officially clocked in post #18 on August 1st, day 32 after the role play’s original posting.
After an exhaustive analysis of Chas Hammer’s many writings, including his books, articles, and decades of simming & online role playing, we can definitively name his real life identity. More 300,000 documents were reviewed over a 12-year period in this deep & comprehensive study to conclusively put the mystery to rest.
BRAVO FLEET HQ–Bravo Fleet Executive Council member Admiral Zachary O’Connell and Bravo Fleet Task Force 99 & USS Triumphant commander Rear Admiral Michael Aravan ended a heated six-hour expletive-filled argument Monday night without splitting the fleet.
NAPLES–Sixth Fleet (the Star Trek sim club) reached an agreement with Sixth Fleet (the actual US Navy Sixth Fleet) earlier this week to conduct bi-lateral exercises this fall.
Three years ago, the simming and online role playing community melted down over Starbase 400,000’s new paint job. Now, leaders, hosts, and players alike are arguing over this audio file of unknown and mysterious origins. Is it “Mike Bremer” or “Chas Hammer”?
The USS Magnanimous broke the all-time play-by-post record for most posts in a week last week with 2,942 posts. The highly prolific game officially recorded the now-record post at 11:59 pm last night after what had been a week chock-full of non-stop action. No one is really sure what the previous record was.
HOLLYWOOD–Fleet Admiral Tristan Wolf of UFOPP: Starbase 11001001 dropped a new rap song late yesterday in an effort to increase recruiting at his fleet after years of stagnant growth. Wolf produced, directed, and mixed the song. He also played all instrumental parts and sang lead vocals.
STOCKHOLM–Starbase 400,000 was awarded a record 14th consecutive Prize for Simming and Online Role Playing in Memory of Seth Cotis on Tuesday. No other person, place, or thing has won more than two prizes.
CAMBRIDGE–Scientists at the University of Cambridge published a study today linking simming and online role playing to climate change. According to the report, the Earth’s average surface temperature has skyrocketed since simming first became popular in the 1990s.
I’ve been online role playing for 20, maybe even 30 years now. During that time, one question has always lingered in the back of my mind: Have I been simming in the Star Trek universe longer than anyone else?
IRC CHAT ROOM–Simming celebrity & Internet personality Charles Starr was recently presented with the Miss Congeniality Award at the annual Who’s Who of Simming Banquet & Beauty Contest. He received 100% of the vote from his peers.
BRAVO FLEET COMMAND HQ–Captain Duke Hogg was found not guilty by Bravo Fleet JAG on Monday of treason, conspiracy, sedition, mutiny, and being a general asshole. Of the 8,694 cases brought before the JAG prior to Hogg’s, all 8,694 resulted in convictions on all counts.
