SAN FRANCISCO–Mid-level professional Milton Clumley came out to his co-workers on Thursday afternoon as an online role player. According to Clumley, he agonized for years over the decision to come out, but finally realized last week that he could no longer hide his true identity and passion. He now feels like he can bring his entire self to work, and pretty much everywhere else too.
“I’m cool with basically everything,” said one co-worker. “Heck, I voted for both Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump in the last election. Or was it Bernie Sanders and Gary Johnson? Either way, top that!”
“I think Milton said he’s a swimmer or something?” said another co-worker. “I’m kinda confused,” she shrugged.
During his announcement, Clumley said, “I guess deep down I’ve always known that I’m a simmer, but it wasn’t until I was really simming hardcore for like three years that I fully admitted it to myself.”
Earlier this year, Clumley came out to his parents.
“Yeah, it was tough for them,” he said. “I mean, they’re both pretty traditional. You know, Star Trek movies and TV shows. They don’t even like the Abrams stuff.” Clumley expounded, “It took a little while for them to adjust to me writing Star Trek on the Internet… that sucks… and that nobody else cares about. But they’re 100% totally okay with it now. They’re really supportive.”
“What’s next, now that you’ve come out as an online role player?” asked a friend.
“Actually, I prefer the term simmer,” Clumley clarified. “So now that I’m an open online role player, er, I mean, simmer… uh, maybe I’ll try Star Wars simming one day. I don’t want to put myself in a box or anything.”