SAFE SPACE–Celebrity Attorney Michael Vendetta on Monday called for the immediate boycott of Borderlands, Zodiac Fleet, and the USS Legacy for their “insensitive use of Star Trek culture, in part but not exclusive to their proclivity to borrow stardates, transporters, and pointed ears in their stories.”
“These role play groups are looking to profit off of advancing harmful stereotypes about the Star Trek universe,” Vendetta went on to say at a Monday press conference.
On Tuesday, Rear Admiral Gregory Coulusion of Zodiac Fleet responded, “We are deeply remorseful for any pain we’ve caused to Star Trek actors, crew, and studio executives. Our insensitivity is simply inexcusable. We humbly ask for your forgiveness, even though we can never fully receive it. In fact, don’t actually forgive us. We deserve to wallow in this agony forever.”
Borderlands went further, saying they would immediately cease the use of phasers, communicators, and tribbles in their stories. “We’re not even going to use space,” an anonymous internal source reported.
“These role players, if I can even call them that, are a disgrace to everything Star Trek… the arrogance!” said longtime USF strongman Colonel Arzy before leading his Revolutionary Guard in a reenactment of the first Thanksgiving. “Only someone as sophisticated and enlightened as myself can fully envisigate [sic] and utilitize [sic] Star Trek… and Thanksgiving.”
While the Revolutionary Guard was busy with their reenactment, pro-Democracy fighters took control of USF headquarters, sending Colonel Arzy into hiding. “You’ve misextrapolated [sic] the whole situation,” he yelled while fleeing. Arzy’s current whereabouts are unknown.