CAMBRIDGE–Scientists at the University of Cambridge published a study today linking simming and online role playing to climate change. According to the report, the Earth’s average surface temperature has skyrocketed since simming first became popular in the 1990s.
“The evidence is undeniable,” said Dr. Daniel Dooldleheimer, one of the authors of the study. “Without simming, the Earth is easily a half degree cooler today. Maybe even three quarters of a degree, I don’t really know.”
The report further recommended that all online role players immediately adopt the following changes to lessen the impact of their simming on the environment:
- No joint posts as they contribute the most to climate change
- Handwrite all posts before typing them on a computer
- Don’t exceed one post per week
Longtime simmer Cooper Driver pledged to do everything in his power to help save the planet. “I’ll be sure to guilt everyone I come into contact with about their simming. As for me personally, I might hit ‘save post’ a little less often. I see myself as more of an advocate than an actual doer.”
Richard, another veteran simmer, called the report “junk science”. “It’s [EDITED],” he said. “I’m going to post even more just to spite them.”
According the University of Cambridge report, however, the best option for all online role players is simply to stop simming completely.