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VULCAN–After mysteriously disappearing in 2021, Zachary O’Connell has been found on Vulcan undergoing the Kolinahr ritual. Now calling himself “Greenfelt”, the former businessman asked for privacy as he attempts to purge all remaining emotion to achieve pure and total logic.
RPG RECRUITMENT CENTER–Agreeing with each other for the first time ever, rival role players Richard and Cooper Driver both quit RPG Recruitment yesterday after they discovered its actual mission is not to help them find new role play games, but to funnel members into the controversial Church of Simmingtology.
BROOKLYN–The long anticipated civil trial of Driver v. The Toasted Avocado kicked off today with Cooper Driver making his own opening statement after his attorney, Michael Vendetta, failed to post his own bail.
ONGOING WORLDS–Charles Starr resigned as pitchman of Capital Market Sim Partners, LLC’s patented fleet flipping program earlier this month, only to take a job as a late-night game show host on the Ongoing Worlds channel.
IMMACULATE FLEET-Fleet Admiral Richard is set to become the highest ranking simmer in online role play history, regardless of genre, when he is promoted to Ultimate Supreme Master Overlord Excellent Admiral General tomorrow.
WASHINGTON–President Donald Trump ordered his acting Attorney General on Saturday via tweet to open an anti-trust lawsuit against Anodyne Productions for holding a monopoly of the Star Trek online role playing and simming market. An estimated 87% of Star Trek RPGs run Anodyne Productions’ Nova software.
Three years ago, the simming and online role playing community melted down over Starbase 400,000’s new paint job. Now, leaders, hosts, and players alike are arguing over this audio file of unknown and mysterious origins. Is it “Mike Bremer” or “Chas Hammer”?
CAMBRIDGE–Scientists at the University of Cambridge published a study today linking simming and online role playing to climate change. According to the report, the Earth’s average surface temperature has skyrocketed since simming first became popular in the 1990s.
I’ve been online role playing for 20, maybe even 30 years now. During that time, one question has always lingered in the back of my mind: Have I been simming in the Star Trek universe longer than anyone else?
