Cooper Driver and Richard Quit RPG Recruitment After They Discover Its Secret Purpose Is to Convert Role Players to Simmingtology

RPG RECRUITMENT CENTER–Agreeing with each other for the first time ever, rival role players Richard and Cooper Driver both quit RPG Recruitment yesterday after they discovered its actual mission is not to help them find new role play games, but to funnel members into the controversial Church of Simmingtology.

“I guess I first noticed that something was up when all anyone wanted to do was audit my posts about how they must be referring to some IRL traumatic event,” said Driver.  “What did they call it?  Oh yeah, sim-engrams.  They also wanted me to join a role play called the USS Dianetics.”

Richard was only a single test away from becoming a full-fledged member.  “First they asked for an application, then they asked for a sample post, and then they asked for my complete role play history.  Before I knew it, I was turning over my entire private OOC post collection,” he said.  “I think my bank account might be empty, too.”

The Church of Simmingtology was founded in 2012 by L. Phoenix Lallard, the former host of the USS Elasticity.  It was later popularized by actor and simming celebrity Kalo Kruise.  Other prominent Simmingtologists include Dean Bowe, Brie Cheese, Justin Biebver, Katie Dough, Iou, Becka, Tia Tia, JoePee, Kyle WannaB, and Myrtle Shark.

The core tenant of Simmingtology is that all role playing personas are comprised of two components, the in-character (finite) and the out-of-character (infinite).  The in-character represents the written chronicles and adventures, which will eventually come to an end, while the out-of-character represents the immortal role player actually writing the story.

Since its founding, the Church has been accused by critics of unfairly using the labor and money of new members to support the lavish lifestyles of more senior members.  Founder & Chairman Lallard is rumored to have an assistant who writes her posts for her.  Lallard has denied these and other allegations through her publicist on multiple occasions.

However, Chairman Lallard was recently spotted on a luxury cruise with actor Kalo Kruise, who is set to star in the soon-to-be-filmed Battlefield: Simming.  When asked why they weren’t practicing proper social distancing measures, Kruise replied that they had already written posts about getting detoxified and thus are immune to catching any viruses, including COVID-19.

After quitting RPG Recruitment, both Richard and Driver this morning joined Ultimate Role Play, where simmers are free to find new games without being harassed or intimidated into a single mind of thinking.  Always trying to out-do one another, each has already joined 14 new role plays.

In other news, Josh Hina was forced to cancel this year’s SciWorld Online Convention due to the growing novel coronavirus pandemic.  However, some objected to Hina’s decision and pointed to the fact that more than 10 people never show up anyway.

L. Phoenix Lallard’s office declined to comment for this article.

sciworld_cancelled

 

29 Comments

  1. The flippant attitude towards a pandemic that has kills hundred of thousands is really tasteless. Although, I guess that’s to be expected from Major Tom.

  2. Isn’t the only thing going on on “Ultimate Role Play” this one person saying hello and good bye to themselves everyday for months?

    1. They have to make it look like it works I guess. I am sure there are some people posting there….

  3. I fail to see why the Virus Covid-19 has been mentioned in such a disrespectful manner in this post. I also fail to see where the LOL is anywhere in this post. And as for that Ultimate Role play discord, maybe if you got rid of the Hello, goodbye spammer it would actually thrive? I personally have muted it because of that person,

  4. I have seen better written by 4 year olds. Mate, you are flogging a dead horse here, come up with some new material already. You are boring everyone.

  5. Remove this. NOW.

    Only warning to NEVER use me or my discord name in ANY of your “news” ever again.

    If this is not removed in 24 hrs (4/1/2020 at 7 AM EST) I WILL file a complaint with the authorities and get you shut down.

    In fact, here’s a tip, stop using this stuff to launch personal attacks on people and admit you’re satire and maybe people will care.

  6. You really are just a lame and sad little child.

    You’ve published peoples Personal Identifiable Information without their clear and informed consent, which is not only morally wrong, it could lead you into a very messy situation.

    This isn’t real news, it is a misunderstood attempt at satire, which you have failed at.

    The article and your actions are not clever, informative, nor is it something people should give you the time of day for. Your attitude is toxic and your kind are only brave behind the protection of a screen.

    Show a bit more respect for the issues that are happening across the globe at this time, get a real hobby and let’s hope that nobody you care about catches the virus going around.

  7. snowflakes, you know reacting like this is exactly what he wants and proves his points. wah wah! the bad internet man made fun of me!

    1. If he is using peoples Personal names and such, then he will be considered liable by the PTB. He should be careful.

  8. I agree that theres nothing funny about covid 19 but the scientology-simmingtology connection is epic.

    Speak no ill of me! I command it!

  9. LOL at people using terms like PII to refer to a gaming website making fun of their roleplay characters. Outside of finance and healthcare, PII has very little meaning in a legal sense.

    I would absolutely LOVE to see someone go into a lawyer’s office, and seek their help suing over a roleplay character name used on a gaming parody website. In fact, please live stream it, so we can all see the look on the lawyers’ faces.

    1. I think you missed the point. Its not the Character names, Its peoples RL names. Which is a breach of the Privacy act.

      1. I think you misinterpreted the Privacy Act of 1974. It is only binding to federal agencies (in the US), and only concerning records OBTAINED through the use of PII.

        Stop armchair lawyering. Just referring to someone by real life name (your mistake for using your real life name for online roleplay) is not illegal. If it were, pretty much no content would be able to exist.

  10. Chas, he used my real first name. Thing is, I do actually have legal standing. I’ve done this before.

    You’re completely right, referring to someone by name is not a crime.

    Unless everything you say is disparaging and false like Tom’s articles always are. And then when you go on to false advertise? Btw, that’s what he’s doing. He says that OP42 is “the place for simming news.

    Also, if he was in the up and up and didn’t defame sims and such, why didn’t he agree to let STF review what he wanted to write about one of their sims? That’s oddly suspicious to me.

    Btw Tom, I’ve submitted my stuff to the authorities since this article is still up and still mentions my name, with 2 letters removed from the original translated name from Gaelic.

    1. I’m just going to copy this from somewhere else, since it sums up what I was going to say quite nicely:

      “To prove prima facie defamation, a plaintiff must show four things: 1) a false statement purporting to be fact; 2) publication or communication of that statement to a third person; 3) fault amounting to at least negligence; and 4) damages, or some harm caused to the person or entity who is the subject of the statement.”

      You may have him at 1, though it is widely understood by the audience of Outpost42 News that it is satire, and it would fail the reasonable person standard in that no reasonable person would consider the ridiculous things posted here as fact.

      2 is easy, since this is a satire news site.

      3 could be construed, as he knowingly posted this article. However, it likely will be mitigated by the fact that this is a well known satire site (within the community in which you are relevant).

      But, where you will fail (and where most of these cases fail) is number 4. You have no damages. This is actually the problem with most people wanting to bring suit. Plenty of situations where someone has done wrong in the eyes of the law, but the case cannot go forward because damages cannot be properly calculated (usually because there are none).

      And there are no “authorities” to report it to. This is 100% a civil matter. You would need to seek the counsel of an attorney who would advise you of what I have already advised you of. If you tried to push the issue, they’d gladly take your payment up front.

      I highly doubt you have “done this before.”

  11. Wait now your saying Tom didn’t use your real name but you give us clues to figure it out? Good one! LOL

  12. “Your honor he used a name really really close to the original Gaelic.”

    “You told everyone it was so on a public comments form?”

    “Yes your honor.”

    “Go away.”

  13. I must be a child also because I find Major Tom funny as hell. In the words of William Shatner, get a life.

  14. It’s a satirical news site. It’s like the onion. If you haven’t heard of it go look it up; they roast people all the time. Take nothing said here seriously if you don’t like it please leave. If you want to try to go for a defamation of character claim then you have to prove he was actually trying to damage your reputation which since he’s running a satirical news site the chance of that is pretty low and I don’t think you want to have to hire a private investigator to search for this guy in real life find him and ensure that he’s actually trying to badmouth you Irl. If that’s the case then you definitely can file a claim but the amount of money you would have to pay to file the claim in the first place by paying a PI…

  15. LOL at the people getting butthurt over satire news. It’s been a long time since this article, when is the next one coming?

Leave a Reply